"We are not human because we think. We are human because we care. All true meaning is shared meaning."- Forrest Church (Unitarian Universalist, clergy, author) Love & Death: My Journey Through The Valley of The Shadow (via uuquotes)
"When you find yourself drowning in self-hate, you have to remind yourself that you weren’t born feeling this way. That at some point in your journey, some person or experience sent you the message that there was something wrong with who you are, and you internalized those messages and took them on as your truth. But that hate isn’t yours to carry, and those judgments aren’t about you. And in the same way that you learned to think badly of yourself, you can learn to think new, self-loving and accepting thoughts. You can learn to challenge those beliefs, take away their power, and reclaim your own. It won’t be easy, and it won’t happen over night. But it is possible. And it starts when you decide that there has to be more to life than this pain you feel. It starts when you decide that you deserve to discover it."- Daniell Koepke (via internal-acceptance-movement)
Things I’d like to see more of in media
characters wearing medical alert bracelets
characters taking medication with their meals
characters mentioning that they have a therapy appointment
characters with reminders to eat in their phones/calendars/planners
characters using stim toys
characters asking if an event is accessible
characters using noise cancelling headphones
characters who are disabled all the time, not just when the plot “calls for it”
characters who are disabled all the time, not just when the plot “calls for it”
WORD FUCKING WORD WORD.
I have, in the past year or so, stopped hiding my psychotherapy and psychiatrist appointments from the world. If for some reason in conversation I have to bring up that I have one of those appointments at a particular time (I see a therapist 3 times a week, currently, so they do interfere with my days), instead of being “discreet” (read: closeted, passing) and saying simply “I have an appointment”, I say straight up “I have to see my therapist then” or “I have a psychiatrist appointment.”
No more closets, no more ablewashing, no more passing. The way we remove stigma is to not act like there’s anything wrong with who we are, what we’re doing… in short, it’s not to perpetuate it ourselves. If there’s nothing wrong with it, why are we acting like there’s something wrong with it? Because the other person might think there’s something wrong with it? Do you know how you convince them there isn’t? YOU ACT LIKE IT’S NO BIG FUCKING DEAL. And they SEE you acting that way. And go “oh, if she can talk about her psych appts so cavalier, I guess it’s not that big of a deal.” Or “oh, she’s cool, I didn’t know she had a therapist. Huh. I guess cool people have therapists too. Maybe it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
i find my cosmic insignificance reassuring
the stars don’t fucking care who i am or what i do
i owe the universe nothing
i exist on my own terms
#when existentialism becomes comforting rather than horrifying
The galaxy doesn’t care how many grapes I just ate.
Hmm… I should embrace this more.
i don’t. in addition to being it being ridiculous, do you know how much time and energy that would take? when i say something along the lines of “ugh monosexuals” or “save me from cishets” i am using…
Interesting as fuck link giving an opposite PoV from some of the stuff I’ve talked about. I don’t think I AGREE with it (we shouldn’t use metonymy when we’re talking about people or groups of people… I think), but certainly thought provoking. It’s going to make ME look at stuff harder. At very least, I learned a new word, and that’s always awesome.
A couple of months ago, I went in to finally have my gallbladder removed, as I had gallstones for years and I finally got health insurance that would cover its removal. I was scheduled for the first surgery slot of the day: 7:30 am. I had to be at the hospital 2h in advance… 5:30 am.
So as me and my best friend at the time drove to the hospital at 5:15 in the morning, a dark, bitterly cold January day, I was all too aware that there’s never any guarantee that you’ll survive these things. I was all but too aware that what I listened to on that ride may well have been the last music I ever heard.
And so I had thought carefully about what I wanted my last songs to be. How do you sum up an entire lifetime’s worth of music into a 10 minute drive?
And so I played
The Verve - Bittersweet Symphony, which encapsulates my life very well
R.E.M. - Nightswimming, a beautiful ballad, filled with melodic piano and climbing strings that fills me with a soaring contentment and peace
I’m not sure why I’m telling you this, but it feels important to me, so I am.
I’ve been too busy to think about the kinds of stuff I usually blog about because, frankly, I’ve taken a new lover and we’ve been too busy with each other. (It’s nice. :-) ) (Actually, BTW, my new lover is a copyeditor and may possibly help me with my writing on here, distilling it down. He also studied marketing, and may use it to help me get the word out.)
However, thoughts and conversations that we’ve had have veered into territory that this blog covers. So maybe I’ll share some of them here.
One that I came up with:
Good and Evil are not a continuum. They’re actually 2 separate metrics. A person can have high amounts of both good and evil in them, and it’s up to them to fall in the right places re: their actions.
Also, due to our unique sexual desires, a lot of conversation and thought has gone into the ideas of sexual goodness vs. sexual evil. Where do the lines fall, is it ok to have extremely depraved sexual ideas as long as they are merely explored in fantasy, and, if so, how do we then keep our consciences active… that is, how do we keep the depravity train from jumping tracks and making us think that it really IS ok to do those things to other people, or that they aren’t wrong? Because depravity is HOT, because of how deeply taboo it is. (Also because I must admit, I have an inherent sexual draw to Evil. I always have. And it is in spite of that, or perhaps because of that, that I take so much care to be as ethical as possible, that I spend so much time thinking about & trying to do what’s Right.)
This is a guest post from a friend of mine, used with permission.
I’ve recently come across some situations that left me feeling hurt, confused, and then angry. For a while, I had thought that maybe it was just me who was feeling this way, but recently, I’ve been opening up about these experiences to others, and hearing that they have experienced the same. There is a profound flaw working it’s way through our communities, in which we liberate ourselves from judgement and exclusion, only to create it for others.
We are people who have been misunderstood, excluded, and often punished for our identities. For whatever reason, we are not “mainstream”. We are not what is expected. Over our lives, many of us have been bullied, excluded, and judged for being who we are. At some point, we discovered a community of people like us. People who accepted us. We immersed ourselves in new friendships and spaces that know us, and love us for exactly who we are. We’ve found our home. Many of us have found happiness here. These communities have helped us heal, and move on from our past traumas. In a few, beautiful, exceptional cases, they have allowed us to heal to the point of helping others deal with theirs.
But some of us remain angry. Vengeful. Wounded. The pain from our past turns inward, and warps, comes back through, lashing out. Sometimes, it happens without even realizing it. We get so wrapped up in being the most extreme version of ourselves, that we forget that people are something else. Sometimes, it doesn’t occur to us that we are becoming the person that we worked so long to escape. Sometimes, we see it, but we are not brave enough to tell ourselves and others what we need to hear, but I am here to say it, today: STOP.
In bullying others, you are causing pain, not acceptance. Accept others. Be their safe space. Love them because they are different than you. Let them love you. Give others what you have craved before meeting the ones that loved you for who you are. Be the light, not the darkness.
We are destroying ourselves, from the inside out. Like a disease, the pain we felt turns to hate, and dissolves the love we’ve built around ourselves. Disallows that love to spread to the people we once were. The scared, lonely, hurt people who need us to be the open, loving people that took us in to create this communities in the first place.
Let’s make a vow, to stop.
Stop it. Stop bullying people who don’t conform to your idea of identity. Stop creating the same culture of exclusion you started expressing yourself to escape. No more “scaring the ‘nillas”, no more putting down others for not being “edgy enough”, no more hating on the cis-gendered folks for being the same gender their bodies were given. Whatever your problem with other people’s identities, no more.
Further, disallow your friends, acquaintances, and communities from engaging in elitist bullying, and exclusionary practices. Practice openness and love. Live in a world of diversity, and acceptance. The real revenge on those that hurt us is to create a loving community, where EVERYONE can be accepted, and to be a better person than they are, by showing them the openness and acceptance that they failed to show us.
I know we can change.
I know it can be better.
Let’s work together to make it so.
"To grow restless with who we are helps us move toward our ideals. Perfection is impossible, but we all have the potential to be more patient, more compassionate, more open-minded."- Stephen Shick (Unitarian Universalist, peace activist, reformer, clergy) Be The Change: Poems, Prayers and Meditations for Peacemakers (via uuquotes)
"Men have never done much when the heart has been cold; and what have they not done, what have they not subdued, when the heart has been quickened to generous emotions? To rob religion of sensibility is to make it inert and unproductive."- William Ellery Channing (Unitarian, clergy, theologian) Memoir of William Ellery Channing by William Henry Channing (1874) p.379 (via uuquotes)
"It isn’t love that makes the world go round but compassion & starting over in gentleness when love hasn’t been enough or other factors have failed: a gentle refusal to blame oneself or others and just begin again."- Nancy Shaffer (Unitarian Universalist, clergy) While Still There Is Light: Writings From A Minister Facing Death (via uuquotes)
"To commit to creating a prophetic congregation today is to grapple with what it means to take responsibility for cocreating the holy right here on earth."- Meg Riley (Unitarian Universalist, clergy, activist) “Prophetic Congregations in the Twenty-First Century” A People So Bold, ed. John Gibb Millspaugh (via uuquotes)
"Failure may be no disgrace, indeed failure in one sense of another is the lot of all. Failure may be honorable. Failure is oftentimes complimentary. Failure is always relative."-
Jenkin Lloyd Jones (Unitarian, educator, soldier, reformer, clergy) Love and Loyalty (1907) p.261 (via uuquotes)
I struggle with this.
"We are often called to do the difficult, if not the seemingly impossible, and it is vital to our spiritual growth that we not ignore these challenges."-
Janice Marie Johnson (Unitarian Universalist, educator, activist, faith leader) Bless the Imperfect: Meditations for Congregational Leaders (via uuquotes)